You don’t see it coming. It starts out rosy. There is an undeniable connection. Something else is also probably going wrong in your life that creates the blindspot. That’s how you miss it.
That’s how you brush off the little things. When they said ‘call me when you get home’ and you didn’t and they got mad. You tell yourself, they just care deeply.
When they use a friend at the phone company to track your movements, you realise it’s wrong, but have no time to process because they are all over you about the lunch you went to with someone you almost dated.
When they say they are breaking up with you every week, and then take it back every week, you get so caught up in what they are blaming you for, you don’t identify the destructive pattern early enough.
When they are constantly reminding you what’s wrong with you through twisted compliments, you drown in your own insecurities and fail to notice that it is them who are insecure to a fault.
When they get mad and call you a ‘whore’ for attracting attention from others, you start to frantically make yourself smaller and less sexy and don’t get time to see that they are trying to own you.
One day, you look around and there is no one left in your life except them. No friends, no family. You have lost taste for life. You finally have the full picture and you don’t know where to start getting out.
Leaving comes with it’s own set of abuses. Constant phone calls and unwanted appearances everywhere you go. Fake, tearful apologies. Rage fuelled by rejection and loss of control. Statements like ‘you can’t live without me’, ‘you will never make it on your own’.
You get out, take a look at yourself, and you hate what you see. You barely eat anymore. You have no social life. You are drained of self confidence. You internalised a lot of the abuse and being out doesn’t mean all that gets undone immediately.
You don’t know how your family and friends will receive this version of you. You are not sure you have the will to live. You can’t believe how much time you lost.
How does one make a comeback after that?