But, I’m scared.
It feels like I’m about to go into freefall. Like I’m losing hold of something that has been comforting and consistent and always available when I needed it.
Problem is, I need it all the time.
I have an addiction. It has taken a long time to admit that. Especially about weed. I love the 420 magic and the global community around it, but smoking weed has become destructive for me.
I realise that I cannot move into the next phase of my life’s purpose without leaving the weed and cigarettes behind.
Red Table Talk: Facing Addiction
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Still, I’m really scared. It feels like I’m about to go out on the water on a raft where I have nothing to hold onto, and I don’t know if I can stay balanced on my own. I can’t swim, I have a fear of drowning. I’m scared I will drown without my smokes.
I realise that the road least taken in this case, is the one where I quit. The brave thing to do is to go out on that raft and balance on my own.
I want to be brave, and bold and inspiring to the women who come after me. I want good health. I want productive habits. I want my mind at 100%. I want growth. I want dreams coming true.
I don’t want to be shackled to something as fickle as weed and cigarettes. I don’t want to miss out on my destiny because of an addiction.
This means, I have to start processing my feelings the right way. It means I can’t light up and smoke every time I feel stressed or unhappy or unmotivated.
It means I need to switch up my lifestyle: get out of the house more, read more, exercise, replace tv shows with movies, cook more, write more, meditate, spend more time with my baby sis...
I can’t come up with a plan for how I’ll fill ALL of my days going forward, but I can figure out the next 5 minutes. And then the next 5. And the next 5... Until, all I’m doing is winning.
What is your addiction story?