Betty Mutimba

Men Do Cry

Why is it that men don’t cry?

I had had a long day and I just wanted to get home. I couldn't wait to lay my head on my soft fibre pillows. Before that, I couldn’t miss seeing Tania and her twin sister Ammy. They had just come from London and I was to meet them at a joint that was on my way home. 

After ma hugs and pleasantries and ‘good-to-see-you’s, we went deep into catching up. From how my daughter was doing, to the last time I was in London, to music, life and the amazing work they are doing in Kakuma, where they have an annual training workshop for refugees on digital content and production. 

The music was loud, the food was good by the look of it - I wasn't able to eat, I’d had a late lunch. One conversation stuck with me after we went our separate ways. Tania asked, "Why is it that men don't cry?" 

From a man's point of view, women cry at the slightest provocation: sadness, joy, pink stuff, romantic movies, cute baby pictures.. I don't know, maybe I’m just one of those men. Personally, I can't remember the last time I cried. Like the whole tears flood my eyes until I can’t see and there are bubbles of stuff blowing out my nose. 

Tania mentioned one of her male friends who apparently only cried when watching movies. Not sure about that but maybe it’s a thing London men do?

My eyes have ‘experienced crying’ when something special happened. I cried a little when I first saw my daughter, lakini chooni where no one would see me and enough not to make my eyes red. Oh! And one time when I was trying to prove to a special woman that my eyes were leaking because of a bleeding heart. 

So, if men don't cry how do we release pressure? How do we demonstrate deep affection? Is it really a sign of weakness as we are told by our peers and through our own cultural interpretations? 

We've seen in movies where white men cry to beg for love, contrary to our upbringing of ‘unajisikia ama haujisikii?’ Until now I haven't been able to watch "Sound of Music " and "Titanic" for obvious reasons. 

Does it mean I am not in touch with my feminine side as a man? What does that even mean? I think we need to replace the notion of ‘feminine side’ with emotions, which actually, have no gender. So, question is- does all this mean I am not in touch with my emotions?

Please help me answer these questions! Leave your comments below.